(This post was started Friday evening, a week ago. It picks up after the first couple of paragraphs as of today.)
I didn’t realize it had been six-and-a-half months since my last post. To be honest, the post just never came. There was never a moment where I had to escape my mind to put down my meandering thoughts onto this digital canvas. There was never a moment where I had to tell everyone every single thing. There was never a moment where I couldn’t turn to Killer to calm me down. Much like an antihistamine will cut through the fog of allergy symptoms when I run across some pecans, she just calms me down. Anyone who’s known me since high school will swear that I could use some calming down, and while the blog was that place, I’m not really stuck between different places anymore because of her influence. Hence, I apologize that I’ve walked away from my incessant posts about fighting depression and belittling my fellow millennial, but doesn’t it feel good to know that I’ve actually matured cognitively? The original purpose of this blog happened, whether SB2W helped or not, and I’m thankful for everything that got me along the way…because I couldn’t be happier.
So what is up? I’m sitting here packing up a small bag for the wedding of another one of my fraternity brothers tomorrow, and I just can’t help but smile about how far I’ve come since the previous wedding. Some 18 months have passed, and I can’t begin to describe the changes that have happened in my life. I’m actually waking up and going on with the day, and I’ve been working on keeping relationships as opposed to just letting them fall by the wayside when it’s convenient for me. Killer does a fantastic job of keeping me on point with that.
Here we are. Two weddings of my closest fraternity brothers have happened, and I thought some of us would be married before them. I’m so happy for both of them, but it’s still a shock to me. It’s a kick in my own rear end to get my ass off the desk chair where I’m playing Destiny and Rocket League. Hell, two days ago, I helped one of my oldest friends move into a new apartment for the first time. I grew up in that house, and now, it’s just another door slammed shut as I move forward.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not lamenting the growing up. It’s just that the sudden and forced nature of it is a little much for me to take in at the moment. (That’s what she said.) Meanwhile, I’ve come to terms with my own impending need to leave the nest myself. I have a couple of options with where to go, but it’s definitely overwhelming. When you’re virtually told to leave the place you grew up, it’s a tough realization that the stuff you were trying to hold on to might have been keeping you back.
While life has been pretty good, I always knew something like that would happen. Having to look for my own place to live is a little terrifying, but I’ll figure it out. I’ve got people in my corner. I always keep trying. Who knows? My claim from last summer that I’ll end up anywhere will probably prove to be true. I never wanted to live in Atlanta forever, and this is the push off the cliff I needed. I said no safety nets, as that is when I do best, and it’s going to prove to be true.
Anyway, work is well. I’m doing pretty good for being a first-time car salesman. I’ll have to continue to do well, but I’ll make it. I figure things out, I always do. Killer knows that. Everyone does. I just have to take a deep breath and do it. Sorry for rambling! haha.
SO what else is new?
This was easily the best summer of my life, and that includes the frantic job search for two months at the start. So much soccer and friends and Killer. I spent part of it in Texas, and I just can’t wait to get back there to where my heart and mind definitely are. To that end, I apologize for my incessant rambling on here. I’m all over the place in my thoughts lately, and it’s showing here too.
I’ll just get back out there and play some more golf. It’s been quite the fun, albeit insanely challenging, game to take my mind off things. I really just can’t wait to get out of here and begin again, no longer stuck between those two worlds. Shackles off, let’s go!
Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.