At some point, working three jobs, starting a relationship (even if long-distance), having a social life, and trying a major lifestyle change is bound to start hitting a wall. Things get sacrificed as I begin to weigh what is most important in life for me. One thing I learned from therapy was about cutting things I didn’t need and focus on me. I was a people pleaser for so long that it constantly took a toll on me that I neglected to add up for years. We long to be these great beings of selflessness and virtue while having it all, but how often have we ever seen someone of humanity rise up to have all of that without serious sacrifice? I’m not trying to get philosophical, but even the best of us have had some drawbacks. We all find that moment in which we realize that we can’t have it all, so we decide what is best of us and go from there.
I cut out some social engagements to focus more on building up a budding relationship. It’s the best decision I made, because in just a few short weeks, I’ll be visiting somewhere out west for the first time as I hang out with someone who is pretty freaking awesome. Some might cut me down for choices, but I couldn’t really care at this point. I still stay in touch with those who mean something to me (albeit poorly sometimes), and that’s what matters. After all, life is fleeting, and we should just strive to be spectacular in our own ways.
For far too long, I imprisoned myself to what everyone else wanted. People who have read the blog see the evidence of this in my life. I almost acted like a marionette for far too long. The expectations weighed on me. These unnecessary social cues and standards continued to control and direct my movements even as I began to see that there was a multitude of choices ahead for my life that I never considered. I always wanted to leave Georgia and work in other careers than what eighteen-year-old me thought was going to be the plan.
National politics and living in DC…neither of which sound appealing or have for the last few years. Meanwhile, I have set those goals that I eventually want to achieve. It’s all so far from the guy who was voted Most Likely to Succeed in high school. As a species, we all tend to rewrite history for ourselves, but I was unable to get past that yoke for a long time. I felt pressured to fulfill that. It’s taken me a while to understand that it wasn’t meant to be the most successful or the highest earning….it’s succeeding in YOUR goals. My fellow students then saw that, even if we were all a bunch of teenagers voting on senior superlatives.
So what has been a goal? Weight loss and getting into shape lately. No, I’m not trying to become an Adonis, but I do want to feel good about how I look. After a little over a month, I’ve knocked 25 pounds off through some hard work. I still have about eighty to go (yes, that’s a lot), but I know I can make it at this point.
I’m running ahead of schedule, and it’s great. I was running faster, but there was a rough week where I got a bit sick. I’ve been instituting caloric deficiencies every day, making sure I get enough to stay healthy, but I’m cutting enough to make sure I continue to drop weight. I consider this a success. I consider this a great step in the right direction. This is great for me, and I believe that it’s the kind of thing that lets me realize I can get motivated and succeed in my goals.
I have that on me now to remember that I can’t get lost in a dream world or a land of missed chances. Every thing has gotten to me this point, partially because I no longer forget to live! Just relax and let the music play, like the intro track off J. Cole’s new album 2014 Forest Hills Drive. Just be free, people…and you’ll start being more at ease. I know I have :).